The Pro
Some men do feel insecure when their partner attempts to introduce a vibrator into their sexual relationship. This is a result of the unfortunate notion that a man’s penis is his primary means of pleasuring a woman. They don’t know how pleasurable their hands, tongues, and other instruments can be and how much pressure that can take off their sense of having to always be up and ready to “perform!”
You may want to begin by making sure he’s aware of the fact that as many as 70% of women do not have orgasms through intercourse alone (according to Shire Hite’s findings several years ago among others’). This is generally due to anatomy rather than inadequacy on anyone’s part.
Next, it’s important to suggest using a vibe or other sex toy in a way that doesn’t sound like he’s being left out. Describe it as “partner play,” a fun toy for both of you to play with, whether the idea is for him to use it on you, or, if he can handle the suggestion, to use it on himself! (I’ve been delighted to hear from many men who have used my Natural Contours vibrators on themselves, with a partner or without.)
How about asking him to use it on you? Show him how you like it and ask him to do it. At the very least, ask him to hold you and caress you while you use your vibrator on yourself. Another idea is if you’re using the vibrator on your clitoris, you might ask him to enter you either with his penis or his fingers. In fact, one of the most powerful orgasms for a woman is to have both her clit and her g spot stimulated at the same time, and one of the best ways to stimulate the g spot is with the fingers. Ask your husband to insert his middle finger inside of you, up to about the second knuckle, and make a “come hither” motion with his finger. Your orgasm can turn in to mind-blowing multiple orgasms this way, thanks to him! There’s even a name for this: It’s called “floating.”
The point is that you need to make him feel like he’s part of what’s getting you off. Anyone would dislike the idea that they could slip away and you’d hardly notice because you’re so busy with your sex toys. Making your partner feel like an integral part of your pleasure can go a long way toward alleviating that fear.
The Joe
I can sorta sympathize with your husband’s fear of being replaced by a toy. I’ve been to a few adult stores in my day and, honestly, there are few sights more depressing or more intimidating than a wall full of giant, realistic (ridiculous colors and names notwithstanding), battery-operated phalli whose sole intention is pummeling a woman’s vagina into orgasmic submission. And with the inevitable advancements in science and technology, it is only a matter of time before “Well, it doesn’t compare to the real thing” gives way to “Sexbot 5000 is sooo much more satisfying than my husband.” Maybe that’s a little irrational, but can you really blame your spouse for wanting to keep that mental image from the front of his consciousness? ’Cause I can’t.
An ex-girlfriend once tried to help me overcome these feelings of jealousy by tattooing “Property of Paul” right above her lady blossom. Her rationale was that whatever she was having sex with would KNOW that it was on borrowed time. That shit was mine. We broke up a few weeks after she got it, but her efforts taught me something valuable: If it takes permanent scarring to resolve issues with physical intimacy, perhaps you’re better off just ending the relationship.
A Jewish friend of mine advised, “[You should] trade for other favors. Every man has some fantasy he can use to negotiate.” I understand what he’s saying, and it’s definitely sound advice if you’re starting your own business. It’s just that turning sex into some sort of bartering agreement doesn’t sit well with me. Anyway, if your spouse isn’t into adding a few toys because he feels inadequate, it’s highly unlikely that a counteroffer of anal, two hummers, and a threesome will change his mind.
I think you might have better luck with something that my totally straight, completely heterosexual friend told me about: Clone-A-Willy. If your husband’s hesitation stems from fear of being pushed to the side by his penile better, knowing you’d only be using an exact replica of his junk should erase any worry.
If that don’t work—and it pains me to write this—you’re married to a giant pussy. You’re going to spend the rest of your life with a big, giant pussy who probably prefers missionary with the lights off and has to take a shower as soon as it’s over.
I'm so sorry.